Andy
5: Introduce yourself
and your band now…
Number J: I'm Number fucking
1, and the rest of them are
not available, #2 is drunk,
#3 is drunk, #4 is asleep, #5
is with his girlfriend, and
#6 is missing. But from now
on I want you to replace the
numbers with letters in a number
to letter ratio, such as: 1
= J, 2 = I, 3 = H, 4 = A, 5
= D, 6 = !
Do you speak
for your band in its entirety?
Yes, as a matter of fact I do
speak for the entire band.
Tell
everyone who hasn’t heard of
you what you think they need
to know.
It's come to my attention that
we are probably, with few exceptions,
one of the most exciting bands
in these 48
continental
states, let it be known that
Alaska and Hawaii don't count.
Everyone is fed up with this
sappy Emo garbage that fills
his or her minds. They’re tired
of large green hair, they're
tired of repetition, they want
something new in their lives,
they want their panties to get
moist again. They want Jihad!
So tell me, what’s up with
the fucking outfits?
Yeah, the outfits. We’ve had
people leave due to our "national
socialistic" appearance, but
it's all a facade really. We’ve
managed to create this pseudo
fascist regime that everyone
buys into...it's rather cute.
They give their little salutes,
but it's all pretty dumb really
the next time they see us we'll
be something completely different
and they'll probably bitch about
it, but it's ok. We will re-blow
their minds with our dynamic
presence.
That’s good to hear. So how
long have you guys all been
going steady (a.k.a. been a
band)?
Um, since February I assume....
Well, started the band like
a year and one half ago with
a friend of mine and we were
originally going to be a 2 piece:
two synths and a drum machine.
But neither one of us had cars
so we just talked more than
anything and then me and ex-Panic
Buttons members started playing
and went with it.
Ok, so are all of the members
of the panic buttons members
of the jihad?
Well, there were lots of Panic
Buttons members, but 3/6 of
Jihad is ex-Panic Buttons and
that is the last we will mention
of said "Panic Buttons" they
are dead and not coming back.
I mean the members that recorded
on the "Alabamalama" LP.
The aforementioned "Alabamalama"
LP will actually present itself
according to Mr. Sweden in July,
but don't get your hopes up.
The buzz on the streets is
that the Jihad is quite possibly
the next band from Alabama to
actually make it across the
state line. What are the touring
plans and have you toured before?
Yeah, we just finished our "Lets
See If We Can Not Hate Each
Other If We Toured" Tour.
How
was that?
It was mainly Midwest shows
and they all seemed to go quite
well with one exception.
Tell us about that one.
Well, we got to play with the
fabulous Power Pop band, MOTO,
Masters of the O something and
they decided that playing for
3 hours would be cute considering
they're all relatively close
to death. So we got to play
at about 2am, and our roadie,
Broadie, got wasted and managed
to piss off Moto, who also own
the club, and everyone left.
So it was just us, a band that
got stuck waiting on their equipment,
and the bartender. After a few
broken microphones and lots
of verbal harassment, we went
to Bourbon Street and video
taped passed out bums, very
Fascist. But luckily we got
paid $35 before we played, thanks
to Michael Bateman. As far as
further touring is concerned,
we are playing some Floridian
dates in August and other southern
cities. Then in September and
August we shall go to the Eastern
Coast and the Midwestern Coast.
All the dates will be posted
as they are known.
That sounds like a good bit
of touring for a band that’s
been together for a relatively
sort amount of time, did you
all get along well on the "Lets
See If We Can Not Hate Each
Other If We Toured" Tour?
Uh, I've yet to figure that
one out, seeing as Number !
is missing at the moment, but
the rest of us are pretty well
off and very happy, in a very
Fascist way.
That’s good to hear. How
would you describe your sound
to someone who has never seen
or heard you?
Um, we sort of sound like a
uh, train wreck. People give
us a sort of DEVO comparison...but
obviously there isn't any real
comparison to the 2nd greatest
band ever. So, I guess we're
just a bad band with a synthesizer
gimmick. We have geek boards
to get the chicks. Moog Keyboards
to be exact and to be a little
more exact, a Moog Rogue, and
a Moog Source.
Oh
yea, kids seem to be eating
that shit up nowadays.
Yes, they are, we have managed
to go from "Hey, The Panic Buttons,
you guys are dicks and we hate
you" to, "Hey, you guys are
in Alabama Jihad, you guys are
dicks, can we buy a CD". Kids
are dumb, let it be known that
We, Alabama Jihad, Hate the
Kids. You throw some nice wrapping
on something and they automatically
cling to it.
That’s
true. Didn't you guys just record
a few songs while on tour?
Yes Sir We Did! We recorded
with a fellow by the name of
Ben in St. Louis. I really don't
remember his last name but he's
in this amazing Bauhausesque
band by the name of Corbeta
Corbata, He has a small basement
set up and I think he did a
marvelous job. We're going to
see what can be done with it
in the way of getting better
shows and maybe people to put
out our records.
That’s awesome, do you think
it will be released as a actual
EP or 7 Inch one day?
Um, I'm not quite sure. A local
fella, the Dempster, is thinking
of doing something with it,
but I can't really be too certain.
For now it will serve the purpose
of being sent to venues, which
is actually very important I
found out this last time around.
Haha,
I would imagine it would be
kind of hard to get a show without
a recording.
Not as hard as you would think,
but definitely a pain in the
ass. We made some pseudo demos
and sent them out, but we didn't
get too many shows from those.
The
town that you guys are from
is pretty small. Is it harder
getting started as a band in
a smaller town or do you think
it has worked to your advantage?
Well it’s both. See small
town depression as it is commonly
called has created this vast
hole of nothing for my band
mates and I to sink into. Where
we have nothing to do but practice
and get better and write songs
and be gay with
each
other. But aside from that it's
boring and ugly and depressing
and it's home and I love it.
No good bands play, except for
ones that we know personally
that need shows between Memphis
and wherever. The town is actually
dead, it's quite amazing really.
So
you guys aren’t actually just
a band, you are also a gay pact
of lovers?
Well, I wouldn't say love is
involved. But we don't need
to scare off our right wing
support, so we'll keep that
on the hush hush.
Ok, so where does the name
"ALABAMA JIHAD" fit in with
everything?
Well, shortly after those two
buildings fell or whatever.
Those ones, I can't remember
their names. They were in that
big city.
..........
That douche bag George Bush
decided to have a war on "terror"
or what not, so they started
blasting the televisions with
the typical over-hyped propaganda
about "Hamas", "Bin Laden",
and "Jihad". And I was talking
to ex-Jihad member Brandon about
starting a band, and I dunno,
I just sort of impulsively said
Alabama Jihad and I thought
it was one of those band names
that no person in their right
mind would use...so BAM...it's
all platinum, baby. Now it seems
pretty tame so I don't think
much about it until someone
who's never heard it gets all
freaked out about it or whatever.
And as one Jamie Barrier would
say, " That name is so Huntsville".
Well regardless what people
think about the name or whatever
there is no such thing as bad
promotion so at least the name
kind of gets into your head
and is easy enough to remember.
EXACTLY! We, ourselves run a
campaign of propaganda. It's
subliminal, our songs, our flyers,
your radios, your televisions,
they have been embedded with
Jihad Music. One kid tells 2
friends, and he tells 2 friends,
and so on and so on. Every town
we play is introduced with the
idea of Jihad Music.
I bet you're asking what this
idea is. Well...I will tell
you the idea behind Jihad Music.
You read my mind.
The structure of music as it
has been firmly beaten into
the minds of the American youth
is this: create something snappy
and catchy. Something the kids
can go numb to, something they
can forget that they think to,
something they can get hard/or
wet to, something pretty, something
cute. Jihad Music doesn't want
to create music, it wants to
destroy it. We want fine citizens
to want to bang their heads
into walls after they see us
play. We want tension.
I see, so you want to make
people uncomfortable?
Yes, We want them to feel uncomfortable
as they stand there wanting
to be bored. We want you to
jerk back and forth. There should
be awkward movement in your
legs. Your ass shouldn't know
which way to shake. Tension
is beautiful.
So when you play live you try
to impress people with your
mad skills and at the same time
make people uncomfortable by
your appearance and performance?
No, we as a machine have decided
that impressing the "audience"
is absurd. We only want to make
them feel out of place and nervous,
but at the same time relieved.
That sounds comforting. Well
your fifteen minutes are up,
do you have any final comments?
Yeah, visit our website and
leave petty comments,
Alabama
Jihad.
interview
by Andy 5
