What can be said about the Dead Chrétiens that hasn't been said already? Well, pretty much anything. Nobody has ever heard of them. They're completely off the radar, and it doesn't really help that they're Canadian. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Is there? We'll let you be the judge.

So, whom am I speaking with?
Othmer, lead vocals of the Dead Chrétiens!

What instrument do you play in the band?
Like I said, lead vocals, although in the studio I've been known to fill in when needed...

How many dudes are in Dead Chretiens and what do they do??
OK, we have Ryan2stix, on drums and web master. Richie C. who plays all the blistering guitar solos! Then Mr. Raff who's contract is up next year...

And where are you from???
The Asshole of Canada! Northern Ontarible... Its a fucking winter waste land in this country...

Ok, since there are two official languages in Canada...which one is the best to curse in? Also, how do you guys go about...(or aboot) not freezing your meat and two veg off every winter?
Well since Fuck is a regular word in my small vocabulary, I would have to say English, but French has its moments as well.. "Have you ever heard two frenchmen at the bar cursing at each other before?" Pretty damn funny, plus they are small people so it looks like to little dogs fighting!! - I stay inside most of the winter and hibernate like a bear in my basement.. That is the best way, not even go out into the cold, cause its fucking COLD!!

Tell me about all your hockey victories.
OK, I have a good one! Last weekend we played in a tournament in Quebec, and we lost the first game 8 to 1 because the entire team was hammered to the gills! But then game 2 we won in Overtime 6 to 5, that was a classic hockey game my friend! I even got a goal! A nice little tip in from the point ala Gary Roberts, sweet goal! Although since we got slaughtered the first game we were out of the tournament, but oh-well it was some of the best hockey I played in years!!

I understand that you guys totally love to puke all the time....who is the best puker in the band?
I'm a big fan of the puking, I kinda like doing it sometimes when I'm really drunk! I never puke in the morning, always at night! Once, I puked in the morning but that was because I was still partying. hahhah. We have nothing better to do in Canada than drink. The winters are soooo cold you have to drink, cause you cant go outside... Then when summer comes everybody drinks more, because you can drink out in the sun for a couple months... You see this is a bad routine!!

Masterbation is a an underlying theme within the band...how many members of the band have you actually caught "tugging it"?
Thank god, I never found anybody! But yah we masterbate, don't you? If you don't, then I think that would be a more interesting question.. Its like taking a shit, or piss, or a shitpiss, have you ever been caught doing that!?!

Yeah, once or thrice...

Your only official release so far has been "WEATAX" which was recorded on cassette tapes only. Does the band feel that the new carbon free CD manufacturing processes are helping the environment too much? And has this been a factor in your cassette only debute?
It was because at the time we didn't have a kick-ass computer along with a teched out 8 track mixer, or any of that shit! We had a fucking tape recorder and 2 mics.. So we did the best with what we had to work with.. Also we did because it was a statement to all those internet punks that never buy CDs, or go to shows anymore cause they can just download everything now!! I tried to make it anti-download, you know, ad a little originality to it! But no, the fuckers have found a way to get it on CD-r cause I just got one in the mail the other day!! So now we are bent over and ready to let the audio thieves to rape our asses off..

Gonads!

You guys got anything in the works?
We always have something in the works..

I noticed under the merchandise section of your website you spelled the word "check" cheque. Do all Canadians spell words like shop, "shoppe" or instead of "can" you say Chaqune?
Yeah sorry, I guess since you guys spell it one way the rest of the world should! I see where this is going..

Unless you have x-ray vision, you can't see where it is going.

What's the best Canadian ale and why?
Hmm, that's a tough one! I would have to say my fav is, Alexander Keith's from Nova Scotia, I don't know! I have never been to the east coast but damn they make good beer... I like all beer the same, other band favs are Labatt 50, Guiness, OE, and Old Milwaukee King cans, the best buy ever!!

Besides, stupid people, minimum wage, high prices for beer and cigarettes what else do you guys hate?
That's pretty much it!

Got any good tour stories?
One time in Quebec some chick wanted to give us all a round of head NWA style for a T-shirt!! We later found out she was going out with a dude in the band that was opening that night!! Fuck, we have a bad track record for that shit!, or maybe its a good one! It seams like GF's from other bands like hanging out with us... I have other stories I can tell you, but I know when to keep my mouth shut!! ZIP!!!

This is the part where you say thank you's...or fuck you's if you want...
Thanks to our web-master Dufoe, for a bang-up job! if you ever need web-shit done for rim jobs look him up, also a big shout out to our punk rock model May Star in Cali. Also, everybody like yourself that runs a zine that interviewed us, keep up the good work zine people!! Zines kick-ass and everybody should support them more, I know, I used to run Spunkzine and know one ever gives zine guys credit for the FREE WORK they do!! Also check out Turkey Vulture records.. As for Fuck U's umm I'm not like that anymore!! Thanks for the interview!!